A Reflection

This is a reflection I wrote back on March 1st but have not had the time to post!

It seems since Lauren has been born that I have had no time for reflection. It always happens in the middle of the night when I am not near a computer. I think of you Julia, often, and wonder what you think of your new little sister. I picture you looking down over us all, keeping Lauren safe, keeping Ethan safe. Last night I was thinking of the day you were born, and I missed you terribly. I feel like it is so unfair that you are not here with us all - but I'm sure where ever you are, you are quite happy. :) I just wish terribly that I could give you a cuddle and tons of "I love you kisses".

If I reflect on where you would be developmentally, I think you would just about be walking. Yesterday I saw a little boy who was probably just about your age walking around with his mommy. That's what I think you would be doing right about now. Big smiles, getting your face all dirty while eating, getting ready to go to daycare full time.

I can't wait until the spring comes and all the flowers start to come up. I am looking forward to seeing the first pink rosebud on your rosebush this year. It has been carpeted in snow all winter long, protected from the harsh winds and frigid temperatures.

On April 19th we are going to celebrate you, celebrate your beautiful spirit and remember - I mean really remember. On your birthday, Dec 25th I felt like it was so busy, we couldn't focus on you, couldn't take the time to reflect. Last year we went to Niagara Falls and the butterfly conservatory. I think that if it is going to be a nice day, we might do that again. It was a nice family outing, and Ethan loved all the butterflies and exploring around the falls. This year Lauren would love to see the butterflies I'm sure.

Sometimes Lauren looks off into the distance at nothing apparent and smiles, and I wonder if she can see you - I wonder sometimes if the spirits of those past can appear to babies. :)

Julia, I think of you often and wish I could hold you again in my arms if just for a moment, give you another kiss on your forehead, give you another cuddle. I love you.

Love, Mommy