On the surface, it seems quite an innocent thing to say. Except it was said with vehemence, comparing our babies. With all lack of understanding on her part.
You see, Julia's death was more involved than just being born early. There was a placental abruption. My body was incapable of holding onto her tiny body until it was big and strong enough to enter this world. Is there something out of place with my body that caused the abruption to occur? We never did find out. That could be why she died.
I suppose there is still some self blame on my part even though I feel relatively at peace with her death. Could I have done anything different to lesson the effects of the abruption? If we had decided to revive her, could we have said she died from something different? Was it our choice that made her die?
So although she was correct in saying Julia died because she was born too early, it hurt because it was simplified too much, without a thought to regard the other reasons why she could have died...especially by a fellow BLM.
(((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))) even though we can rationalize that lashing out occurs because the "lasher" is wracked with guilt and anger and grief.... it doesn't lessen the sting or the hurt. i'm SO sorry! i pray for peace for your heart today.
ReplyDeleteThanks Belle, that's what I did too, but you are right, inside it still hurts. Thankyou. <3
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