Heavy heart

My heart is heavy. Last night I was looking at Julia's pictures and remembering how it felt to kiss her on her face. Her skin was so soft and fragile. Her blankets and clothers still smell like her. It has been a while since I have cried while looking at her pictures. But last night it all came out. I couldn't stop. I miss her so much. She should be in my arms any day right now. I should be able to kiss her forever, to see her grow up, to hear her laugh. But all I have are pictures and memories.

It seems even Ethan is sensing something. He asked me again today where Julia was.

All week I have been anticipating Julia's due date. I have not felt motivated to do anything. It is like I am climbing a mountain and am almost near the top, the most steepest part. I truly hope that when I get to the top the ride down will be easier, like an emotional release. The anticipation is what is so difficult for me, but I don't even know what I am anticipating. Does that make sense?

Tomorrow is Julia's due date. I am looking forward to spending the day remembering her and honouring her. I want it to be special, and for my son, husband and I to be together.

Thank you to all of you who will be remembering her with us.