Today I had my long awaited appointment with my specialist to find out, if any reason, why I had the placental abruption. Blood clotting disorder? No. Chromosomal abnormalities? No. Fibroids? No. Infection? No. Placental scarring? No. Only thing is, if I get pregnant again, I am considered high risk from the onset with a 15% chance that I will have another placental abruption. Thankfully they will be monitoring me from the beginning and hopefully I will have no unexpected surprises.
I was prepared to hear that there was no reason. All along, I have heard of others that were told all their results were negative too and the fact is, there are so many things that the doctors don’t know. I don’t feel too badly about it, after all, if there was something like a blood clotting disorder, I would have to treat it the rest of my life, or if there was scarring on the placenta they may have had to do more tests, and if I had fibroids I may have had to get them removed. It’s kind of nice not having to do anything and feeling safe and healthy after everything that happened. I have come to accept that Julia is gone and am very saddened by it, but a part of healing is being able to move on even if you don’t have a reason for why something happened. It is like an accident happening out of the blue, there is no reason why it was your friend or your relative that it happened to, it just did, and you have to accept it and live the new life you now have. It is not easy, but what about life is easy? We all have our challenges. Sigh...
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Andrea...this whole site is beautiful! What a lovely tribute to Julia and her/your story. I've always known you to be a strong and genuine person...and reading your thoughts about growing even stronger from this ordeal reconfirmed how true your soul is. I feel very blessed to have you as a "lifelong" friend...even though we are a few miles away. :)
ReplyDeleteI have come to accept that the docs are not miracle workers, although I wish they were. I also have no explained answers, just a bunch of suspected things that went wrong, no one knows, and the "why's" always creep in my head. The best advice I can give you with dealing with such a recent loss, is not to put any expectations on yourself (go easy on you), and treat yourself as though you were your best friend going thru the same thing. Your Julia will be with you forever even as you move forward. Hugs and prayers for continued healing and peace. Nan xo
ReplyDeleteHugs Andrea. You always have such a positive way of looking at things that I have come to admire so much. Lots of love.
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